When people are new to therapy, I often begin with an analogy. Imagine that you have a headache and walk into your local pharmacy. You might choose Tylenol, Aleve, Motrin, or perhaps even chamomile tea. Each option represents a different approach to the same general problem. Different people may respond differently depending on their physiology, beliefs, past experiences, and the underlying cause of the headache. Mental health treatment works in a similar way. When you are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, insomnia, or another source of emotional distress, there are many possible interventions. You might consider psychotherapy, medication, yoga, meditation, or another healing practice. No single intervention is best for every person or every problem. Even within the world of psychotherapy, there are different “flavors.” Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, commonly called CBT, is one of them. Psychodynamic therapy, supportive therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Narrative Therapy, Cognitive Processing therapy (CPT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and several other approaches are also forms of talk therapy. So, what is the difference between CBT and talk therapy? Traditional Talk Therapy: Understanding the Past The therapy you've seen in movies - the patient reclined on a couch, a therapist nodding thoughtfully in the background - is typically psychodynamic therapy. It's built around a long-term relationship with a single therapist, and its focus is on your family of origin and early experiences. The goal is insight: understanding why you are the way you are, and why you do the things you do. Psychodynamic work tends to be: Long-term and open-ended: often continuing for years, without a fixed endpoint Introspective: oriented toward uncovering patterns rooted in the past Light on structured action : it can illuminate the why without necessarily prescribing the what next For many people, this kind of understanding is genuinely valuable. But it isn't the only path forward, and it isn't always the fastest one. CBT: Building the Present and Future CBT is a comparatively newer approach (even though it's been around for about 50 years) and it combines cognitive theory and behavioral theory into a single framework. It's focused on the here and now. Your history matters, and it absolutely informs who you are today, but CBT operates from a simple premise: we cannot change the past. We can only change the present, in order to build a different future. At the heart of CBT is a simple idea: it's not the events in your life that make you happy, sad, anxious, or calm, but it's how you appraise those events. A Quick Example Let's say a friend tells you she'll call so you can make plans to hang out. She doesn't call. There are at least two ways you could interpret that. Interpretation one: She forgot about me. How inconsiderate. → This appraisal tends to produce anger and a feeling of rejection. The behavior that follows might be pulling away and deciding not to reach out to her again. Interpretation two: I hope she's okay. Something might have happened. → This appraisal tends to produce concern, worry, and compassion. The behavior that follows is usually the opposite: reaching out to check in on her. Same event. Two entirely different emotional and behavioral outcomes determined not by what happened, but by the story you told yourself about what happened. This is the core mechanic CBT works with: appraisal shapes emotion, and emotion shapes behavior. Whether you move toward someone or away from them is downstream of how you felt, which is downstream of how you interpreted the situation in the first place. What Actually Happens in CBT The work of CBT is to help identify the automatic appraisals running in the background of your mind , which are often so fast and so familiar that you don't even notice them as choices. From there, the work is twofold: Sort the helpful from the unhelpful. Not every automatic thought is accurate, and not every accurate thought is useful in the moment. Build new ways of appraising. CBT does not force positivity or denies reality. Instead, it help you develop more flexible, more accurate, balanced and re helpful ways of interpreting your experiences. The ultimate goal isn't just to feel differently. It's to help you act in ways that are productive and congruent with your values, to show up for yourself and the people in your life the way you actually want to, rather than the way an unexamined automatic thought is steering you. So, Which One Is Right for You? Neither approach is inherently "better" as they're built to do different things. If you're looking to deeply understand the roots of long-standing patterns and you have the time and interest for open-ended exploration, psychodynamic therapy may serve you well. If you're looking for a structured, evidence-based approach that targets present-day thoughts, emotions, and behaviors - and gives you tools you can start using right away between sessions - CBT is likely to feel like a better fit. Just like the pharmacy aisle, there's no single right answer for everyone. The best therapy is the one that matches your goals, your timeline, and the way your mind works.

"Just stop overthinking it" is one of the least useful pieces of advice a person can receive, mostly because overthinking rarely feels like a choice. It feels like your mind trying to solve a problem that keeps refusing to be solved. CBT treats overthinking as a pattern. That framing matters because a pattern can be identified and changed, in a way that a character flaw cannot. Overthinking Is Usually Problem-Solving Aimed at the Wrong Target Overthinking is typically an attempt to gain certainty or feel more in control. The problem is that many of the things people overthink, such as what someone meant by a text, whether a past decision was the right one, or what might go wrong tomorrow, are questions that more analysis simply cannot answer. There is no amount of replaying a conversation that produces a definitive answer. The thinking continues precisely because it never reaches one. What CBT Recommends Instead Notice the loop, not just the content. CBT asks you to recognize when you are looping, which matters more than the specific worry itself. The pattern to catch is something like: I have been circling this for twenty minutes without gaining any new information. Separate productive thinking from rumination. Productive thinking generates a decision or a next step. Rumination generates more thinking. A useful test is whether this round of analysis has produced an action or simply another version of the same question. If it's the latter, more time is unlikely to help. Set a worry window. CBT often uses scheduled worry time: a set 15 to 20 minutes to think through concerns intentionally. When worries arise outside that period, you note them and postpone them until the scheduled time. This gives the thought somewhere to go while protecting the rest of the day. Test the belief behind the loop. Overthinking often protects a belief such as, if I think about this enough, I can prevent something bad. CBT treats that belief as testable. What happened the last several times you overthought something? Did the extra analysis improve the outcome, or did it mainly prolong the distress? Practice tolerating an unfinished thought. This is often the hardest part. Allowing a question to remain unanswered can feel uncomfortable at first. With practice, the discomfort tends to shrink, and what grows in its place is the ability to carry an open question without continuing the mental loop around it. The Real Goal CBT aims for a mind that can notice a thought, decide whether it's useful, and move forward accordingly. Each thought becomes information to evaluate, something you can act alongside instead of a demand that has to be settled first.

“Are you sure the stove is off?” “Do you think that mole looks strange?” “Tell me it’s going to be okay.” If you struggle with anxiety or OCD, questions like these may feel less like choices and more like necessities. The discomfort builds, you ask, someone answers, and, for a moment, you feel better. It therefore seems reasonable to conclude that reassurance is helping. It is not. Reassurance can become one of the main processes that keeps anxiety alive. The Problem with Reassurance Here is the mechanism: anxiety appears because your brain has flagged something as a possible threat, such as contamination, illness, disaster, or rejection. The discomfort feels intolerable, so you seek certainty. Someone reassures you: “The stove is off,” “The mole looks fine,” or “It’s going to be okay.” Your anxiety drops. That drop feels like relief. Psychologically, however, it is a form of negative reinforcement: when a behavior makes an uncomfortable feeling go away, that behavior becomes more likely to happen again. Your brain does not learn: I can tolerate this uncertainty without asking. Instead, it learns: Asking is what makes the bad feeling stop. The next time doubt appears, it may feel just as urgent, if not more so, and the urge to seek reassurance becomes even stronger. This is why reassurance rarely satisfies for long. Ten minutes after being told that the stove is off, the doubt creeps back in. You ask again, consult someone else, or check it yourself “just to be sure.” Why This Is Especially True in OCD In OCD, reassurance-seeking often functions as a compulsion, much like checking, counting, moving or washing. It is aimed at the same goal: eliminating uncertainty. But uncertainty cannot be completely eliminated. There is no amount of reassurance that can provide 100 percent certainty that the stove is off, that you did not harm someone, or that nothing bad will happen. Each time reassurance is used to remove doubt, it teaches the brain that uncertainty is intolerable and must be resolved. That lesson virtually guarantees that the next wave of doubt will demand an answer too. What Helps Instead The goal is not to feel more certain. It is to build greater tolerance for not knowing and to learn that uncertainty, although uncomfortable, is not an emergency. This is the logic behind Exposure and Response Prevention, or ERP. A person deliberately allows the doubt to remain present without checking, researching, or asking for reassurance. Over time, the person learns that anxiety can rise and fall on its own and that uncertainty does not have to control what happens next. It is uncomfortable., but it is also how the loop begins to break. This matters for the people providing reassurance too. Partners, parents, and friends often answer anxiety-driven questions because they want to help someone they love feel better. Unfortunately, repeatedly answering can keep the cycle going. A more helpful response might be: “I know this feels really hard. I do not think answering the question again will help, but I am willing to sit with you while the anxiety passes.” Reassurance feels like kindness. Sometimes, however, the kindest thing you can offer someone with anxiety or OCD is confidence in their ability to tolerate not knowing.

One of the most common questions new patients ask is: “How many sessions will this take?” It is a fair question. Unlike traditional talk therapy, which is often open-ended, CBT is structured and goal-directed. That means we can usually discuss a likely treatment range and regularly evaluate whether therapy is working. The Short Answer For many single, well-defined concerns, CBT often lasts about 12 to 20 sessions, typically delivered weekly. That works out to roughly three to five months. This is a general estimate, not a guarantee. Treatment may be shorter or longer depending on the problem, its severity, the goals of therapy, and how much each person practices the tools and techniques independently between sessions. What Actually Determines the Timeline The 12-to-20 range is a starting point, not a guarantee. A few things tend to shift it in either direction. Complexity of the presenting problem. A specific phobia or a single panic disorder often resolves on the shorter end. Conditions like OCD, PTSD, or longstanding depression frequently require more sessions, sometimes stretching into six months or longer, because the treatment protocols themselves call for a longer exposure or processing phase. Comorbidity. When someone is working through two or three overlapping issues at once (say, anxiety layered on top of a mood disorder and relationship conflict), treatment naturally takes longer, since each layer needs its own attention. Engagement with homework. CBT relies on practice between sessions. Someone who consistently completes homework tends to move through the material faster than someone who only engages during the fifty-minute hour. This is simply how skill-based treatment works. You wouldn't expect physical therapy to work if the exercises only happened in the clinic. Severity at intake. Someone in acute crisis may need more frequent contact early on, which changes the pacing even if the total number of sessions ends up similar. How We Track Progress in TEAM-CBT In TEAM-CBT, we define the goals of treatment clearly at the beginning. This keeps the work focused and gives us a concrete way to determine whether therapy is helping. We also monitor symptoms at every session. Rather than relying only on a general impression, we look together at whether anxiety, depression, anger, relationship distress, or other symptoms are measurably improving. That allows us to course-correct as we go. We can ask whether the intervention needs to change, whether an obstacle has been missed, whether treatment should continue, or whether the gains are strong enough to begin ending therapy. The goal is keep evaluating whether the work is effective and still needed. Therapy Does Not Have to Be 50 Minutes Once a Week There is nothing magical about the weekly 50-minute therapy visit. Depending on the problem and the urgency, treatment may involve longer sessions, more frequent meetings, less frequent meetings, or a more intensive format. Intensive therapy is an option for people who have greater urgency and the time, financial resources, and emotional bandwidth for concentrated work. Longer or more frequent sessions can sometimes build momentum and help people reach their goals more efficiently. The format should serve the treatment, not the other way around. The Bottom Line CBT is designed to have a direction and an endpoint. You may not know the exact number of sessions at the beginning, but you should know what you are working toward, how progress will be measured, and how you and your therapist will decide when the work is complete.

I recently finished the book "Dedicated" by Pete Davis, a Harvard Law graduate who gained online notoriety thanks to a viral graduation speech in the youtube video below. Mr. Davis has expanded the concepts in his graduation speech into a bestselling book that questions how we can find commitment and purpose in a fluid society that values open choice, freedom, and individualism. It is an interesting and well-written book, focused largely on civic involvement. But as far as CBT is concerned, the sections about choice are particularly relevant. Mr. Davis makes the case for the impossibility of making "right" choices. When we call a path the "right" one, we assume that there is only one perfect future and that this one path is the absolute best way to get there. This is obviously as fallacy, as the future doesn't exist. We make it with our actions today. There are many, many choices that can conceivably lead to great places down the road. Failing to recognize that keeps us stuck in search of that one winning ticket. If we can't make the "right" choice, what we can do is make our choices right. The book quotes executive coach Ed Batista as highlighting that if we commit to the choices that we make, those choices have a much greater chance of leading us to a positive outcome. So after we make a choice, any choice, the key lever that we have to make it work well is commitment. Commitments, Mr. Davis argues, are living things. And like all living things, a commitment needs to be nurtured and nourished. When we work towards making our choices right, we are feeding that commitment and giving it a fair chance to thrive. We don't constantly revisit the choice, we don't move backwards or in circles, we don't get stuck. We commit and we move. However, like all living things, commitments can sometimes wither and fade, in spite of receiving good care. If or when that happens, it is likely time to let that commitment go, without regrets. And make a new choice. And make that choice right. In TEAM-CBT, we use the Decision Making form to help guide clients through the analytics of of a hard decision. If needed, we can process the emotions behind that choice through empathy or using a thought log. There are many therapeutic tools and interventions that can help us make careful, deliberate, well-intentioned decisions. But it is ultimately the voluntary act of committing to the direction that you choose that will make those decisions right.

When anxiety shows up, it's natural to check in on it. Is my heart racing? Am I breathing okay? Do I look nervous? Is this getting worse? The Anxiety Monitoring Loop This feels like a reasonable thing to do, like you're keeping tabs on a problem so you can manage it. But here's the catch: paying close attention to a body sensation makes that sensation stronger. This is simply how attention works. The more closely you monitor your heartbeat and your breathing, the more intense and "loud" those sensations become. So the loop looks like this: You feel a flicker of anxiety. You turn inward to check on it. The checking itself amplifies the sensation. The stronger sensation feels like proof that something's wrong. You check again, more urgently. You end up in a feedback loop where the monitoring itself manufactures more of the anxiety it was supposed to track. In technical terms, the effect of anxiety monitoring looks like this: bodily sensation → monitoring → threat interpretation → greater arousal → stronger sensation Why Turning Outward Helps Turning attention outward means deliberately engaging with what is actually happening around you. This might involve: listening carefully to what another person is saying noticing the details of the room or environment focusing on the activity you are completing asking another person a genuine question directing attention toward what matters to you in that moment Your nervous system has a setting that calms the body down, and it gets switched on by genuine engagement with the world outside your own head, especially with other people. A real conversation, or genuinely watching what's happening in a room, sends your body a signal: things are okay enough that I can attend to something other than myself. That signal calms the body directly as it shifts your physiological state. Redirecting your attention outward removes the fuel from the loop that's keeping the anxiety going. The Catch There's a wrong way to "go outward" that doesn't work: scanning the room to see if other people notice you're anxious. That's still all about you. It's self-monitoring wearing a disguise, aimed outward while still quietly asking, "How am I doing?" The real move is to get genuinely absorbed in something outside yourself. Follow the actual thread of what someone is saying. Take in the real details of a room, its colors, its sounds. Give yourself over to a task's next concrete step. The test is simple: are you tracking the world, or are you tracking yourself? A Practical Way to Practice Next time you notice yourself checking in on your anxiety, try this: Notice the urge to check. That urge is your cue to act. Pick one external thing and give it your full attention - a person's face, a task's next step. Stay with it longer than feels natural. The urge to check back in will pass if you don't feed it. This gets easier with repetition. Each time you decline to hand the anxiety your attention, you starve the very thing that was keeping it alive.

Beyond its devastating cost in human lives, the COVID-19 pandemic has had a profound negative effect on mental health for a large number of people. Besides anxiety and depression from social isolation, insomnia is probably the largest new behavioral health problem that many are navigating during this global health crisis. Insomnia is a clinical term that applies when an individual has had problems sleeping for at least 3 nights per week for a period of at least 3 months. Further, those problems are not secondary to other mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, or PTSD. In reality, many people suffer from sleep issues that don't fully qualify for an insomnia diagnosis, but that impair their lives nonetheless. Some struggle with sleep-onset insomnia ("I can't fall asleep when I go to bed") while others have sleep-maintenance insomnia ("I can't stay asleep once I fall asleep"). There are three important factors at play when someone finds themselves facing insomnia. They are commonly referred to as the three "p"s: 1) Predisposing factors : some of us are just genetically wired for lighter, shorter sleep than others. 2) Precipitating factors: Yet, there are stressful events in our lives that can literally cause us to lose sleep. For example, a medical crisis, a job loss, a sick child. Those types of situations can cause sleep disturbances that, in most cases, will resolve themselves after a while. 3) Perpetuating factors : For chronic insomnia to kick in, some new factors come into play. Those are the factors that maintain the disrupted sleep patterns. Most commonly, they will be things like worrying about getting the 'right' amount of sleep, thinking that tomorrow will be a bad day if we don't sleep enough, spending more time in bed wanting to sleep longer, tossing and turning awake in bed, using electronics in bed, turning the bed into office space (working from the bed), etc. Those well-intentioned moves actually perpetuate the cycle of insomnia by making it harder to fall and stay asleep. Treatments for insomnia abound. The easiest is to pop a pill. That will work - for a couple of nights. And then, it doesn't anymore. Most  prescribed sleep medications are habit-forming, which means that your body will need more of it over time to achieve the same result. While at times the pills may help you fall asleep faster, they will also lead you to wake up more often in the middle of the night. You might not remember it, because you're sedated. But your actual sleep quality will not really improve in a sustainable way. Instead of taking the shortcut, the best long-term solution to sleep disturbances is a full course of CBT for insomnia (called CBT-I). In this treatment modality, you will learn how to change your inner dialogue to actually invite sleep, rather than keep it away. With the help of your therapist, you will also develop a healthier sleep schedule that will allow you to actually enjoy the time you spend in bed. With more time, you can also learn relaxation techniques and anxiety management interventions that will prevent the insomnia from recurring. And voila, you can finally sleep tight!

Trauma can change more than how you remember a painful event. It can also change how you think about yourself, other people, and the world. You may begin to believe: "It was my fault." "No one can be trusted." "I am permanently damaged." "I should have done something differently." Cognitive Processing Therapy, commonly called CPT, is an evidence-based form of cognitive behavioral therapy designed to treat post-traumatic stress disorder. It helps people identify and change the beliefs that have kept them emotionally stuck since a traumatic experience. How Does CPT Work? After trauma, people naturally try to make sense of what happened. Sometimes they draw conclusions that are understandable but inaccurate or overly broad. In CPT, these trauma-related beliefs are called stuck points. Someone who was assaulted may conclude, "I should have known what was going to happen." A person who experienced childhood abuse may believe, "There must be something wrong with me." Someone betrayed by a trusted person may decide, "I can never trust anyone again." In CPT, patients learn to examine the evidence for a stuck point, notice what information is missing, and consider the context in which the trauma occurred. From there, they build conclusions that are more balanced and more accurate. What Problems Can CPT Treat? CPT was initially developed for women experiencing PTSD after rape. Since then, it has been studied across many populations and types of trauma, including military combat, sexual assault, physical violence, and childhood abuse. Research reviews have found that CPT produces substantial and lasting reductions in PTSD symptoms and can also improve associated depression. How the Treatment Is Structured CPT is a structured, time-limited treatment. That structure is part of what has made it so easy to study and so consistent in its results. Most protocols run around twelve sessions. Some people need a few more, particularly with a longer or more complicated trauma history. Occasionally someone moves through the material faster than that. Sessions typically last 60 to 90 minutes, and the treatment works well whether it's delivered in person or by telehealth (the research base supports both). Early sessions focus on understanding the connection between thoughts and feelings and on identifying specific stuck points. Later sessions involve structured written and verbal exercises for examining those beliefs and, where the evidence warrants it, revising them. What Actually Changes Trauma rarely leaves behind just a memory. It leaves behind conclusions, and those conclusions tend to cluster around a few recognizable themes. Safety is one. A person may come to believe the world is fundamentally dangerous, or that they can't protect themselves in it. Trust is another. Someone might decide that no one is reliable, or that their own judgment can no longer be trusted. Power and control show up too, sometimes as a sense of having none, sometimes as a felt need to control everything in order to feel safe. Esteem often takes the hardest hit: a person concludes they're damaged, or to blame, or simply not worthy. Intimacy narrows. Closeness starts to feel unsafe, so people keep others at a distance, sometimes without fully realizing they're doing it. These beliefs usually made sense at the time. They were a way of surviving something that shouldn't have had to be survived. The trouble is that they outlive their usefulness. They generalize past the situation that produced them and quietly shape decisions, relationships, and self-perception long after the danger has passed. CPT doesn't ask someone to relive the trauma in detail (that's a meaningful difference from exposure-based approaches). Instead, it gives people a structured way to test whether these beliefs still hold up, and to build ones that do a better job of fitting reality. That's what CPT is ultimately working on. Not the event itself, which already happened and can't be changed, but what a person came to believe because of it, which can. If you're considering CPT and want to talk through whether it fits your situation, I'd be glad to walk through it with you.

Living with discomfort—whether it is from a recent injury or a long-term condition—can be overwhelming. Often, we use the words pain and suffering interchangeably. However, in medicine and psychology, they are two different experiences. Understanding the difference is the first step toward taking back control of your life.   What is the Difference?   The easiest way to think about it is that pain is a physical signal from your body, while suffering is your mind’s emotional and psychological reaction to that signal. Feature Physical Pain Emotional Suffering Origin The nervous system and physical tissues. Thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. Nature An objective signal (a "warning"). A subjective interpretation (a "story"). Control Often requires medical treatment or time. Can be managed through mindset and tools. Experience Burning, throbbing, or sharp sensations. Fear, anxiety, frustration, or hopelessness.   The Parable of the Two Arrows   To highlight this further, consider an ancient story known as the "Two Arrows."   Imagine you are walking through a forest and are struck by an arrow. It hurts. This is the First Arrow. It represents physical pain—the actual sensations in your body caused by injury or illness. It is often unavoidable.   However, if you then start thinking, "Why is this happening to me?"  or "I’ll never be able to walk again,"  or "This is going to ruin my life,"  you have just been struck by a Second Arrow. This second arrow is Suffering.   While we often have little control over the first arrow, the second arrow is the result of our mental and emotional reaction to the pain. By learning to manage the second arrow, we can significantly reduce our total distress, even if the physical sensation remains.   Why Does This Distinction Matter?   When we lump pain and suffering together, the experience feels like one giant, unmanageable wall. When we separate them, we find new ways to heal: Pain Management: Focuses on the body (physical therapy, medications, or rest). Suffering Management: Focuses on the mind (mindfulness, relaxation, and reframing your thoughts).   By reducing your suffering, you can lower your perceived pain level. When your mind is calm and you feel in control, your nervous system often "quiets down," making the physical pain feel less intense.   Ways to Ease Suffering Today   Notice the difference : When you're struggling, ask yourself: Is this the physical sensation itself, or is it what I'm telling myself about it?   Observe Without Judgment : When you feel a flare-up, try to notice the physical sensation (e.g., "my lower back is tight") without adding a narrative (e.g., "this is going ruin my whole week"). Acknowledge the Emotion:  It is okay to feel angry or sad about your pain. Acknowledging the feeling helps prevent it from turning into a "second arrow" of self-blame. Challenge catastrophic thinking:  Thoughts like "this is unbearable" or "I can't live like this" intensify suffering. They may feel true in the moment, but they're not facts. You are actually live in the moment you’re telling yourself you can’t live like this! Find what matters beyond pain : Purpose, connection, creativity, contribution—these don't eliminate pain, but they can dramatically reduce suffering. Practice acceptance, not resignation : Acceptance means acknowledging what is, which paradoxically often reduces distress. Resignation means giving up on what's possible. Seek support:  This isn't about "toughing it out" mentally. Reaching out to a friend or loved one or working with a therapist, counselor, or support group addresses the suffering component as legitimately as medication addresses the pain component.

How do you define competence? Your answer to this seemingly simple question can have a large impact on how you interpret your academic and professional achievements and how satisfied you feel about them. Some views of competence can be particularly detrimental to your emotional well-being, so it’s worth watching out for them. Dr. Valerie Young  has described five unhelpful “competence types”: views of what defines aptitude and proficiency that actually hold us back. They are: 1- The Perfectionist : in this view, competence is defined by “how” things are done. If they are 100% correct, 100% of the time, then you’re competent. Any small deviation from that equals total defeat. And since it’s impossible to get everything right all of the time, you are often aware of your misses and the distress that accompanies them in the form of self-doubt, worry, or shame. 2- The Natural Genius : here, competence is defined by “when” things are done right. For the Natural Geniuses out there, being competent means getting it right the first time, and doing it naturally, effortlessly, and immediately. This is the view that talent is congenital and you either have it or not. If you don’t get it right on the first time or struggle to master a skill or project, then you’re actually not that competent. That’s a huge disappointment. 3- The Soloist :  This is the “who” view of competence, in which it equals the ability to perform tasks independently at all times. If you need help, you are incompetent, so you might as well take on immense mountains of work to do all by yourself. When you struggle or get stuck, feelings of failure, shame or defeat follow. 4- The Expert: The focus of competence for the Expert is in “what”. If you are competent in this definition, then you know everything there is to know about a task, challenge, or project even before you start. You fear being exposed as ignorant or inexperienced, so you spend inordinate amounts of time getting better educated, more informed, and more deeply acquainted with whatever topic is at hands; often times, at the expense of actually getting stuff done. 5- The Superhuman : For this type, competence is measured in throughput. It parallels how many roles you can juggle, how many projects you can deliver, how often you volunteer, or how much time you spend on turbocharge, doing more than everyone else around you. This overload can lead to many short-term accomplishments, at the cost of long-term stress and burnout. Do you see yourself in any of the types above? If so, how has this definition of competence served you over time? If the answer is not that well, then you can start working on changing it. You can do that with the help of a CBT therapist by first understanding your current belief system, then challenging assumptions that are unhelpful, and finally building new ones that are more realistic, take into account several viewpoints, are more complete, and help you truly succeed in the long-term.

When presented with important choices in their lives, clients often ask me "Is this the right choice?...Is this OK?..." The clear answer for that is "It depends!!!". What is right for your life obviously hinges on your personal values, dreams, and aspirations. While no one can give you answers on what to aim for, we can suggest parameters to consider when weighing your choices and making important (or even everyday...) decisions. A "great life," however it looks like for you, should maximize your ratings and satisfaction across the dimensions below: Purpose : Finding meaning and enjoyment on what you do every day Social : Having important relationships and love in your life Financial : Managing your economic life to reduce stress and increase security Community : Being engaged and involved with the areas where you live and work Physical : Having good health and energy to get things done daily ​In short, choices that increase your purpose in life; social, financial, and physical well-being; or community belonging are likely "right" and definitely "OK." Sometimes we move along these axes in unison, other times we need to make trade-offs among them. But those are the key ingredients in a great life for everyone of us. How you mix them up to create your own unique recipe, it's up to you.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is built on the idea that we can live more meaningful lives when we act in alignment with our values, even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings. One of the most practical tools in this approach is Russ Harris’s Choice Point  framework. The Choice Point is a simple visual model that helps us recognize the decisions we make moment by moment. At its core, the framework asks: Is this action moving me toward the kind of person I want to be, or away from it? In any given situation, we can notice two possible directions. Moving toward  means behaving in ways that are guided by our values, such as honesty, kindness, or perseverance. Moving away  means acting in ways that help us avoid short-term discomfort but often pull us further from what really matters. For example, choosing to withdraw from a difficult conversation might reduce anxiety in the moment, but it could also erode intimacy and trust over time. The Choice Point encourages us to pause and become more aware of these patterns. Rather than labeling thoughts and feelings as “bad,” it frames them as natural internal experiences. What matters is whether we allow them to dictate our behavior or choose to respond with intention. Harris often teaches clients to ask: “What’s the next move that takes me toward my values?” This framework is practical for therapy, coaching, or personal reflection. By repeatedly noticing our “choice points,” we strengthen psychological flexibility, the ability to adapt to challenges without losing sight of what truly matters. Over time, this mindful awareness can transform even ordinary moments into opportunities for growth and alignment with our deeper values.