Life throws its fair share of curveballs. Difficult emotions, stressful situations, and intrusive thoughts can leave us feeling overwhelmed and lost at sea. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a powerful technique called ACE (Acknowledge, Connect with your Body, Engage) , also known as "dropping anchor," to help us navigate these stormy waters and find our inner calm. Why We Struggle: Our natural tendency is to avoid or fight unpleasant emotions. We might try to distract ourselves, numb out with unhealthy habits, or ruminate on negative thoughts. However, these strategies often backfire, leading to increased anxiety and a feeling of being stuck. The Power of the ACE Technique: ACE provides an alternative approach, helping us develop psychological flexibility. Here's how it works: Acknowledge (A): The first step is acknowledging your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Simply observe them – "I'm feeling anxious" or "That was a critical thought." This creates space for them to exist without fueling them further. Connect with your Body (C): When emotions run high, we often disconnect from our physical sensations. Focus on your breath, how your feet feel on the ground, or any physical tension. This grounding technique brings you back to the present moment. Engage (E): Instead of getting caught up in your thoughts and feelings, shift your focus to what truly matters. Engage in the present activity, be it a conversation, a task at hand, or simply observing your surroundings. Benefits of Dropping Anchor: Reduced emotional intensity: By acknowledging emotions without judgment, we lessen their power over us. Increased mindfulness: Focusing on the body brings us back to the present, where we can make conscious choices. Greater clarity: Stepping away from unhelpful thoughts allows for more rational decision-making. When to Drop Anchor with the ACE technique: Anxiety or panic attacks: Use ACE to acknowledge your anxious thoughts and feelings, ground yourself in your body, and focus on your breath or calming techniques. Rumination: When caught in a cycle of negative thoughts, use ACE to acknowledge them, refocus on your body and surroundings, and engage in a different activity. Stressful situations: Practice ACE to manage overwhelming emotions, stay present, and navigate the situation effectively. Dropping anchor is a skill that takes practice, but it can be a powerful tool for managing difficult emotions and living a more mindful life. The next time life throws you a curveball, remember to ACE your way through the storm and find your inner peace. Here is your map!

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), core beliefs are the deepest level of negative thinking patterns. These are the most fundamental assumptions we hold about ourselves, the world, and others. They are formed early in life and tend to be rigid and unquestioned. Core beliefs are central to CBT because they influence everything from our automatic thoughts (fleeting negative ideas) to our emotions and behaviors. Here's a closer look at core beliefs in CBT: Characteristics of Core Beliefs: Deeply Held: Core beliefs are ingrained and often unconscious. We might not even realize we hold them. Global and Overarching: They are broad generalizations applied to many situations, not specific to one event. Difficult to Change: They are resistant to change due to being deeply ingrained and reinforced by experiences. Impact of Core Beliefs: Filter for Perception: Core beliefs act as a lens through which we interpret events. They can distort our perception of reality. Fuel Negative Thoughts: Core beliefs can trigger automatic negative thoughts, leading to emotional distress and unhealthy behaviors. Self-Fulfilling Prophecies: When we believe something strongly (even if untrue), it can influence our behavior in ways that confirm that belief. Examples of Core Beliefs: I am worthless . (Leads to feelings of worthlessness, social withdrawal) The world is a dangerous place. (Leads to anxiety, avoidance of new experiences) I can't trust anyone . (Leads to isolation, difficulty forming relationships) How CBT Addresses Core Beliefs: While directly targeting core beliefs can be challenging, CBT helps individuals: Identify Core Beliefs: Through exercises and therapy sessions, individuals can uncover their core beliefs. Challenge Their Validity: Examining the evidence for and against the core belief can help weaken its hold. Develop More Balanced Beliefs: CBT helps replace negative core beliefs with more realistic and empowering ones. Changing core beliefs takes time and consistent effort. However, by working with a therapist, individuals can loosen the grip of these negative beliefs and experience significant improvements in their mental and emotional well-being.

Often times, thoughts that are largely accurate or even innocuous at the surface level can lead to intense sadness, anxiety or anger. For example, telling myself that “this meat tastes bad” or “I fumbled that word” or “she is not paying attention” can quickly result in a drastic mood change. In CBT, the downward arrow technique is a way of working through these automatic thoughts to find the irrational beliefs at their base that are triggering the strong emotions. These beliefs may not be immediately obvious to us, so we need to ask the same questions repeatedly until we get to the bottom of it: “what does that mean about me?” and “why is it upsetting to me?”. ​When we get to the end of the chain, we will find a deep-seated – and mostly unhelpful – belief that explains where these intense feelings are coming from. That is called a “core belief” or “schema” and commonly builds on themes of incompetence or failure, abandonment or unlovability, and helplessness. Once these schemas are identified, we can challenge them using CBT techniques similar to the ones applied to automatic negative thoughts. Examples of Downward Arrow technique: 1)  This meat tastes bad And if that were true, what would that mean about you? Why is it upsetting to you? --> I am a terrible cook And if that were true, what would that mean about you? Why is it upsetting to you? --> I am a bad mother And if that were true, what would that mean about you? Why is it upsetting to you? --> I am a complete failure   2) I fumbled that word And if that were true, what would that mean about you? Why is it upsetting to you? --> I didn’t do everything perfectly And if that were true, what would that mean about you? Why is it upsetting to you? --> People will be disappointed in me And if that were true, what would that mean about you? Why is it upsetting to you? --> I will be alone forever And if that were true, what would that mean about you? Why is it upsetting to you? --> I am unlovable 3) She is not paying attention And if that were true, what would that mean about you? Why is it upsetting to you? --> She doesn’t care about me And if that were true, what would that mean about you? Why is it upsetting to you? --> Nothing I do can make things better And if that were true, what would that mean about you? Why is it upsetting to you? --> I am helpless With good CBT techniques, you can identify your schemas and change them over time.

I recently re-read a classic article by Dr. Albert Ellis, inventor of Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) and one of the early practitioners of cognitive therapy, that presents a valuable take on the causes of emotional suffering. I’ll save you a dozen pages of technical reading and summarize it here. All of emotional suffering in the human race comes from us conflating ‘needs’ vs ‘wants.’ Let me explain. Each of us has a series of goals for ourselves and our lives. Ironically, as social beings, they are not that different across people. Generally, we want safety, approval, achievement, efficacy, comfort, and happiness. These are laudable desires: they help us survive, thrive, and procreate. When faced with situations where we fall short of these goals, it is natural to feel disappointed, upset, sad, or frustrated. These appropriate negative feelings help us cope with life and direct our energy towards change. They do not keep us stuck. However, consciously or unconsciously, many of us often escalate these ‘wants’ into ‘needs.’ Beyond wanting safety, we may start expecting that under all conditions and at all times, so we don’t suffer discomfort, pain, or handicaps. We may not only want approval, we may require agreement, admiration, and love by all our significant others. Rather than merely wanting achievement, we may start believing that we need to be notable, celebrated, and special. Naturally, when those rigid ‘needs’ are not met, we suffer. But this suffering is more acute and persistent, because it is violating an existential condition (mind you, one that we invented ourselves). Worse, when we notice that we are stressed, anxious or depressed in response to certain events where our ‘needs’ are unmet, more suffering ensues as we continue to judge the situation as unbearable or ourselves as incorrigible. That keeps us stuck. For example, let’s say that I want achievement. Through a process of illogical thinking, I escalate that into the irrational belief that I must have success and happiness in my life at most times. As a nice bonus, that will guarantee that I am worthwhile. Then an outside event that I cannot control happens that leads to failure and an understandable state of sadness. Because this threatens my ‘need’ (and my worthwhileness), the sadness grows into despair and into depression. And then, when I realize that I am depressed (and unworthy), I feel depressed about my depression. I may even feel depressed for feeling depressed about my depression, as all of those things violate my achievement and happiness ‘needs.’ In contrast, if I can stay in a space where I am thinking logically about my desires and longings, I can interpret my setbacks for what they are: unlucky, unforeseeable, or unfavorable steps in a long journey. Ellis suggests that I tell myself something along these lines: “I don't like failing or experiencing losses. I wish that my life was richer and more comfortable. But if I am thwarted, do fail, get rejected, and am uncomfortable at Point A, that is unfortunate but hardly the end of the world. I can still lead a fairly happy life. Now let me go back to the immediate events and try to improve or deal with them so that I can get more of my goals fulfilled at Point B." That’s neat, isn’t it? As you can see, Ellis was laying the groundwork for much of the Cognitive Therapy fundamentals that followed him.  With the help of a good CBT book or an individual therapist, you can learn to identify which of your ‘wants’ has serendipitously morphed into a ‘need’ that may be keeping you stuck right now.

Emotions are an integral part of our lives, influencing our thoughts, behaviors, and overall well-being. However, for many of us, managing intense emotions can be a challenging task. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed originally by Dr. Marsha Linehan , offers a comprehensive set of skills to help individuals regulate their emotions effectively. One of these essential skills is TIPP, an acronym that stands for Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Paired Muscle Relaxation. How do TIPP DBT skills work? TIPP skills work by changing your body's physical response to stress. When you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, your body goes into " fight or flight " mode. This is a natural response that helps you to deal with danger, but it can also be uncomfortable and make it difficult to think clearly. TIPP skills can help to calm your body down and bring it back to a more relaxed state. This can make it easier to manage your emotions and cope with the situation at hand. How to use TIPP DBT skills Temperature One of the easiest ways to use TIPP skills is to change your body temperature. This can be done by splashing cold water on your face, holding an ice pack to your neck, or taking a cold shower. Changing your body temperature can help to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the "rest and digest" response. Intense exercise Another way to use TIPP skills is to do some form of intense exercise. This could be anything from running or biking to doing jumping jacks or push-ups. Intense exercise releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects. It can also help to burn off excess energy and tension. Paced breathing Paced breathing is a simple but effective way to calm down your body and mind. To do paced breathing, simply sit or lie down in a comfortable position and focus on your breath. Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Try to keep your breathing even and regular. Progressive muscle relaxation Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique that involves tensing and relaxing different muscle groups in your body. This can help to release tension and promote relaxation. To do progressive muscle relaxation, start by tensing and relaxing the muscles in your toes. Then, move up your body, tensing and relaxing the muscles in your legs, stomach, chest, arms, neck, and face. How to use TIPP DBT skills in everyday life TIPP skills can be used in a variety of situations, including: When you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed When you are having a panic attack When you are feeling angry or upset When you are trying to cope with a difficult situation It is important to practice using TIPP skills when you are not feeling stressed so that you can use them effectively when you need them. Here are some tips for using TIPP DBT skills in everyday life: Identify your triggers . What are the things that typically make you feel stressed or overwhelmed? Once you know your triggers, you can start to practice using TIPP skills when you are exposed to them. Have a plan.  Decide which TIPP skills you are going to use in different situations. For example, you might decide to splash cold water on your face if you start to feel anxious in a social situation. Be patient.  It takes time and practice to learn how to use TIPP skills effectively. Don't get discouraged if you don't see results immediately. Just keep practicing and you will eventually get the hang of it. If you are struggling to use TIPP skills on your own, consider working with a therapist who is trained in evidence-based therapies. They can help you to learn how to use TIPP skills effectively and develop a distress tolerance plan.

In TEAM-CBT, when patients are looking to improve their interpersonal relationships, we first spend some time analyzing the nature of the conflict that they're facing before jumping in to solve it. Even though there are as many different flavors of interpersonal conflict as there are people in the planet, if we look closer, we can find a few broad patterns of common relationship issues. If you are having problems with someone close to you (romantic partner, family member, boss, co-worker, etc), odds are that the issue will fall into one of these three categories: 1- Character Issues:  they don't see themselves! These are problems where you firmly believe that the person with whom you are in conflict is just flawed. They may be self-centered, dumb, histrionic, unfair, needy, controlling, unreasonable...and a lot more! For example: "He is mean and stubborn!" 2- Appreciation Issues:  they don't see me! These are problems where you feel under-appreciated in the relationship. You firmly believe that the person with whom you are in conflict doesn't see you for everything that you do. They may frequently criticize, blame,  disrespect, ignore, or belittle you. All said, they either don't value you, don't value your needs, or don't value the relationship. For example: "They never recognize how much I do for them!" 3- Give-and-take issues: they don't see us! These are problems where you find a fundamental imbalance in the relationship in terms of the give-and-take. It can be that the other party just doesn't listen, no matter how hard you try to communicate with them. Or they just don't share, regardless of your valiant efforts to engage them. Or it can be that they don't reciprocate when you do something nice for the relationship. For example: "They ignore my advice!"   There are naturally many other ways of understanding relationship issues. This is just one of them. But the goal here is to recognize that the first step in solving a problem is defining it! If you are suffering because the relationships in your life are not intimate, respectful, and fulfilling, cognitive-behavioral therapy can help.

Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes, challenges throw us into emotional turmoil, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to cope. Here's where coping strategies come in – mental and behavioral tools we use to manage difficult emotions and navigate stressful situations. But with so many strategies available, how do you choose the right one? Let's explore the two main approaches: emotion-focused coping and solution-focused coping. Facing the Feels: Emotion-Focused Coping Imagine you receive a critical email from your boss. Your heart races, anger bubbles up, and you feel like lashing out. Emotion-focused coping acknowledges these intense emotions and focuses on managing them rather than directly addressing the source of stress. Here are some key features: Riding the Wave: Emotion-focused strategies don't try to suppress emotions. Instead, they help you acknowledge and accept your feelings without judgment. Mindfulness exercises, deep breathing techniques, and journaling can be effective tools. Seeking Support: Talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or family member can provide emotional validation and help you process your feelings in a healthy way. Self-Soothing Activities: Engaging in activities you find calming, like taking a walk in nature, listening to music, or taking a hot bath, can help reduce emotional intensity and promote relaxation. Problem-Solving Power: Solution-Focused Coping Now, let's say that critical email from your boss keeps nagging at you. You want to address the situation and prevent it from happening again. This is where solution-focused coping comes into play. Identifying the Problem: The first step is to clearly define the problem causing you stress. In this case, the issue might be unclear communication with your boss. Brainstorming Solutions: Once the problem is identified, actively brainstorm potential solutions. Maybe you could schedule a meeting with your boss to clarify expectations, or perhaps you could implement a system for double-checking your work before sending it. Taking Action: Choose the most promising solution and take concrete steps to implement it. Following through demonstrates a proactive approach to problem-solving. Choosing Your Weapon: When to Use Each Strategy So, which strategy should you choose? The answer depends on the situation. Here's a general guideline: Emotion-focused coping is ideal for: Managing overwhelming emotions like anxiety, anger, or sadness. Situations where the stressor is out of your control. Taking a step back and gaining perspective before tackling a problem. Solution-focused coping is ideal for: Situations where the stressor is something you can potentially change. Feeling empowered to take control and prevent future problems. When a clear action plan can reduce ongoing stress. These approaches aren't mutually exclusive. You can often combine them. When faced with a challenge, acknowledge your emotions (emotion-focused), then brainstorm and implement solutions (solution-focused). By having both tools in your coping toolbox, you can navigate life's curveballs with greater resilience and emotional agility.

Many mothers - both those staying-at-home with the kids as well as those working out of the house - often struggle with "mom guilt." Those are nagging feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, anger and despair that may be temporary or pretty pervasive. They are difficult and unpleasant. Older parents will tell you to let go, to enjoy the journey as time flies: "they grow up so fast." And yet, day to day those pesky feelings pop up, sometimes on cue and many times unannounced.  Cognitive theory will tell you that those unwelcome emotions stem from your thoughts, the stories that you tell yourself in your head. It can be a thought that you may not be doing enough, a notion that you are not sacrificing enough, or just a belief that you are not getting things right while everyone else has it together. In terms of concrete thoughts, they might span the range from "I should be playing with the kids right now (as opposed to doing something else I also enjoy!)", "they are watching too much TV", "I shouldn't loose my cool", "I actually want to complete this work assignment but feel I should be spending more time with the kids."  If you can't change your reality short-term, how can you deal with these thoughts and feelings more effectively? First, if I offer you a magic button that would make all of those beliefs and reactions go away, consider whether you'd press the magic button. It sounds like a good deal, right? Yet, these negative thoughts and feelings tell us a lot of beautiful things about you...They show you care, you want to do what is right by your children, that you are willing to look at your choices critically, and that you have really high standards and goals for yourself. All of those things are good! Rather than pressing the magic button and make the "mom guilt" disappear altogether, how about figuring out how to modulate it? You can find a way to hold on to some of the healthy aspects of the guilt - after all, wanting to be the best mom you can be is an awesome goal! - but it is not so high that takes away from your chance to enjoy your children and your limited time with them. That is very doable with CBT. To get to this lower level of distress, you will need to revisit the stories that you are telling yourself in your head. In CBT, we embrace the idea that your thoughts drive your emotions. Change your thoughts, change your emotions. There are a myriad techniques to re-write the automatic thoughts and ideas in your head around your parenting choices. You can learn about them in CBT-driven books such as Dr. David Burns' new Feeling Great book. Or you can work with a CBT therapist who can guide you in understanding and applying these techniques to the specific circumstances in your life. Your family will thank you!

Anxiety and fear are quite different. To illustrate the difference I normally share a concrete example. Let's say I open my front door and there is a wild tiger right there. I will be terribly afraid. There is a clear and imminent danger I can pinpoint, thus leading to the fear. However, if I step out of my front door, hear a noise or see some movement in the grass, and think that there might be a tiger in there somewhere, odds are I will be feeling quite anxious. I think there might be a threat somewhere, only I cannot see it. I can imagine it. Anxiety is a response to perceived threats that come to us either in the form of thoughts (a story) or images. Because we don’t like the feeling of anxiety, we often avoid thinking about those threats and try to block out the troublesome images. This helps reduce the anxiety in the immediate short-term. But long-term, it is still there. That pesky feeling of foreboding, a tightness in your chest, a lump in your throat.  If it’s in your head and it has a negative emotional valence, it will come back at some point. That makes sense, right? I’s your brain trying to keep you safe by reminding you often of the dangers around you.  How can you conquer that anxiety? There are several methods in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety treatment. The most effective one is exposure therapy. This is an approach where, figuratively,  you get out of the house, go to where the noises and movement in the grass are, look behind the bushes, and find out that there isn’t a tiger there after all – it’s a kitty cat. To get to this liberating a-ha moment, we do need the courage to be willing to face the tiger. For some types of anxiety such as driving or public speaking, we can actually go out there and do exposure exercises in real life relatively simply. But other times, if our fears involve imagined situations and outcomes that we can’t replicate in the real world, then we have to use the tool of ‘imaginal exposure.’ Imaginal exposure for anxiety treatment, as the name suggests, involves immersing ourselves in this worst-case scenario fear of how things can turn out badly. For example, if I am constantly anxious about having a deadly disease, I can enter a mental world where that actually happens. If I am concerned about my children having a terrible accident, I can make that true in my head. ​Imaginal exposure scripts are short stories that we can write laying out what would happen if our worst fears came true. We add what happens in the immediate aftermath and what happens over the long run. These scripts are usually sad and dark because, well, our anxieties are sad and dark. Once an anxiety-provoking imaginal exposure script is written, exposure therapy involves reading that script over and over and over, several times a day for several days, recording the level of distress that it brings up. The objective is to get you habituated to the facts and feelings in the script.  After reading a story a few hundred times, it gets boring. Boring is the opposite of anxiety-provoking. Boring is good. Of course, you’ll be well served to have a therapist support you through this unpleasant but highly effective and necessary process. Any well-trained CBT therapist should be able to hold your hand and help you feel safe and cared for as you go face your tigers. Happy hunting!

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a widely used, evidence-based psychotherapeutic approach that helps individuals understand and alter negative thought patterns and behaviors. Among its array of techniques, one stands out for its logical appeal and practical application: the "examine the evidence" technique. This method empowers individuals to challenge their negative thoughts by scrutinizing the evidence supporting and refuting them, fostering a more balanced and realistic mindset. Understanding the 'Examine the Evidence' Technique At the core of CBT lies the concept that our thoughts significantly influence our emotions and behaviors. Negative or distorted thinking can lead to emotional distress and maladaptive behaviors. The 'examine the evidence' technique is designed to address this by encouraging a methodical analysis of our thoughts. When using this technique, individuals are prompted to take a thought—often a negative or distressing one—and treat it as a hypothesis rather than a fact. They then gather and evaluate the evidence for and against this thought, much like a scientist conducting an experiment. This process helps in identifying cognitive distortions and developing a more balanced perspective. Steps to "Examine the Evidence" 1. Identify the Negative Thought: The first step is to pinpoint a specific negative thought that is causing distress. For example, "I am a failure because I didn't get the job I wanted." 2. Record the Thought : Write down the thought to give it a tangible form. This can help in viewing it objectively. 3. Gather Supporting Evidence : List all the evidence that supports the thought. In our example, this might include, "I was not selected for the job," or "I struggled with some questions during the interview." 4. Gather Contradictory Evidence : Next, list evidence that contradicts the thought. This could include, "I have been successful in other interviews," "I have good qualifications and experience," or "I received positive feedback from other applications." 5. Evaluate the Evidence: Weigh the evidence for and against the thought. Often, individuals will find that the evidence against their negative thought is stronger and more plentiful, which can diminish the thought's power and credibility. 6. Formulate a Balanced Thought: Based on the evidence, create a more balanced, realistic thought. For instance, "I didn't get this job, but I have been successful in other areas, and I can learn from this experience to improve my chances next time." Benefits of the 'Examine the Evidence' Technique 1. Reduces Cognitive Distortions: By analyzing thoughts critically, individuals can identify and correct cognitive distortions such as all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, and catastrophizing. 2. Enhances Emotional Regulation: A more balanced perspective can lead to reduced emotional distress and improved mood. 3. Promotes Problem-Solving Skills: This technique encourages a proactive approach to problem-solving, as individuals learn to confront and address their negative thoughts systematically. 4. Builds Resilience: Over time, examining the evidence can help individuals build resilience by fostering a habit of thinking more rationally and less emotionally. Practical Tips for Applying the Technique - Consistency is Key: Regularly practicing this technique can help reinforce balanced thinking habits. - Seek Feedback: Sometimes, discussing thoughts and evidence with a therapist or a trusted friend can provide additional insights. - Use a Thought Record: Keeping a journal of thoughts and evidence can be a useful tool for tracking progress and identifying patterns. - Be Patient: Changing thought patterns takes time and effort, so it's important to be patient and persistent. In short, the 'examine the evidence' technique is a powerful tool in the CBT arsenal, enabling individuals to challenge and reframe their negative thoughts through a structured and logical approach. By fostering critical thinking and promoting a balanced perspective, this technique not only alleviates distress but also builds a foundation for long-term emotional well-being. As with any skill, practice and perseverance are essential, but the rewards—a clearer mind and a more positive outlook—are well worth the effort.

We all have that inner critic, the voice that whispers (or shouts!) negativity after a mistake or setback. But what if you treated yourself with the same kindness and understanding you'd offer a friend in the same situation? That's the core idea behind the Double Standard Technique, a powerful tool used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The Problem with Our Inner Critic CBT focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Often, negative thoughts lead to negative emotions and unhealthy behaviors. A common culprit behind these negative thoughts is harsh self-criticism . We hold ourselves to unrealistic standards, leading to feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy. The Double Standard TEAM-CBT Technique: Treat Yourself Like a Friend ​The Double Standard Technique flips that script. Here's how it works: Identify the Negative Thought: When you catch yourself feeling down on yourself, pinpoint the critical thought driving that emotion. For example, "I messed up that presentation. I'm such a failure." Imagine a Friend: Picture a close friend going through the same situation. How would you comfort them? Challenge the Inner Critic: Ask yourself, "Would I ever say such harsh things to my friend?" Most likely not! Reframe Your Thought: Use the compassion you'd offer your friend to reframe your negative thought. "Everyone makes mistakes. I can learn from this and do better next time." Why This Technique Works The Double Standard Technique in TEAM-CBT works because it exposes the unfair double standard we often hold ourselves to. We'd never be so cruel to a friend, so why be that way to ourselves? By practicing this technique, you can: Develop Self-Compassion: Treating yourself with kindness fosters a sense of self-worth and emotional resilience. Challenge Negative Thinking: You learn to question the validity of your harsh self-criticism. Develop More Supportive Self-Talk: You replace negativity with a more realistic and encouraging inner voice. ​ Putting the Double Standard Technique into Practice The Double Standard Technique takes practice. Here are some tips: Start small: Begin with minor situations and gradually work your way up. Journal: Write down your negative thoughts and reframe them using the Double Standard Technique. Seek support: Talk to a therapist or counselor who can guide you through the process. By learning to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you'd offer a friend, you can break free from the cycle of self-criticism and build a more positive, self-compassionate self-image. Remember, you deserve the same level of kindness and support you readily give to others.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) offers a toolbox of skills to manage overwhelming emotions. One powerful technique is "opposite action," which involves deliberately choosing a behavior contrary to your emotional urges. You may benefit from learning a bit more about it. At our core, emotions are wired with action tendencies. For example, fear compels us to flee, anger pushes us to fight, and sadness leads to withdrawal. While these urges might be helpful in immediate danger, they can be detrimental in everyday situations. Opposite action disrupts this automatic cycle. By consciously choosing an action opposite to our emotional urge, we break the emotional hijacking and regain control. For example, if social anxiety makes you want to cancel plans, opposite action would be to force yourself to attend. This might feel uncomfortable initially, but it can lessen the anxiety over time. Similarly, when feeling overwhelmed and tempted to isolate, opposite action could be reaching out to a friend. Overcoming the initial discomfort allows for connection and support. The effectiveness of opposite action lies in its ability to: Reduce emotional intensity: By taking action against the urge, we prevent the emotion from spiraling. Promote long-term goals: Opposite action helps us prioritize our values over fleeting emotions. Challenge negative thoughts: Acting opposite to an emotion can demonstrate that the associated thoughts might be distorted. Opposite action is not about suppressing emotions, but rather about choosing a more mindful response. It requires self-awareness and the willingness to step outside one's comfort zone. However, by practicing this technique, we can better manage their emotions and navigate challenging situations more effectively. Here is a handout from Psychotherapy Academy on how to put the Opposite Action technique in DBT to good use in your life.